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Unexpected

This past weekend we took Matt to one of his favorite places for breakfast for his birthday. Krispy Kreme. It is funny how the unexpected hits so hard sometimes. We were having a great morning and considering that the closest Krispy Kreme is about an hour from here, we were in prime territory for reality to step in. I cannot help but wonder - Is it just me, or does this happen to other moms? Why?

We pulled into the parking lot and can you believe that there was a party going on in there at 9:30 am, balloons and all… A group of little girls were in there in their PJ's eating donuts. So my question – will this be a possibility for Ivey? Will she have that slumber party? Will there be two car loads of little girls there celebrating her birthday? How does it work? What should I do between now and then? Why is it that my heart breaks at the most unexpected times? Why does it have to be so hard sometimes? Is it because those are times between mothers and daughters? Why is it that I love every second and moment with Ivey, but crave to have those 'normal' experiences that just are not there? Why can't I stop wanting those normal experiences for her? Or, do I want those moments for myself? Why are the easy things so hard sometimes? Can any one answer me?

Comments

Jessica Chamness said…
I think it's completely normal for you to have these feelings. I have them all the time when I think about the experiences Jacob (and I) may never have. My eyes tear up sometimes just looking out the window at the beautiful blue sky knowing that he will never see the same beauty in nature that I see. I try to tell myself that he experiences the beauty of the world in his own way and that is all he knows. He does not know what he is missing. I think we all have a vision in our heads the moment we find out that we are having a baby of what life will be like with that person - the experiences we will share, the friends he/she will have, the accomplishments they will achieve, etc. You want Ivey to have similar experiences to those you have had throughout your life - there is nothing wrong with that! Sorry for the longwinded comment - hope it helps you know that you are not alone!
October 28, 2009 at 8:58 PM
Heather said…
I wish I could answer all these questions for you my sweet friend but I can't because I, cut from the same cloth,long distance cyber friend,feel the same.I once said out loud,can't remeber the circumstance but siad "Poor Zoey".Well,one of my older girls said,"Why poor Zoey?She is good.She is happy.she loves us in her own beautiful way."And then I thought,was it sometimes "Poor Heather".I think our lives will be filled with more of these unexpected moments.I think,it is perfectly normal.I think,if we didn't question and ask and search for answers that that would be NOT normal.We love our daughters.Just the way they are.We wouldn't change them or trade them but that doesn't mean that we can't question.I will never understand why some children have been weighted down by SO many hard and heavy loads.I do know however,that it through the carrying of those loads, with their incredible spirits, that we are able to carry ours.Much love Gwen to you and beautiful,beautiful Ivey?

Ps.Krispy Kreme is my ideal breakfast choice!!!

PSS.Fly to California ... we'll have one heck of a slumber party!!
October 28, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Angela said…
This is a WOW moment for me, because I had a break-down just last night, about this. I was thinking that parents of "normal" children have no ideal what we go through. They are dreaming of what college their kids will go to, and we are just wandering how our children will be able to function at that time. I think we are all allowed to have these times, but we also have such a blessing in our special little children that they will never be able to experience. Always love your blogs, because you just express what I am feeling. I hope you guys have a great fall break
October 28, 2009 at 11:05 PM
Megan, Ava's mom said…
You are allowed to feel whatever you feel, Gwen - and know that there are many of us who are with you. This is a process and there are always new twists and turns. I want everything for Ava, too, and struggle to calm myself when some things seem unreachable, but we just keep on going, don't we?
Ivey needs a MAPS slumber party!! That would be amazing - you can bet that she would have lots of moms and daughters who would give her the best party of her life!
October 30, 2009 at 11:23 AM
Dianrez said…
As a Deaf person, I have seen situations like these especially in schools where there are multihandicapped children.

Just go ahead and have the Krispy Kreme party!

The secret is to put yourself in your child's mind and experience the smells of frying donuts, the warmth of the oven as one walks by it, the variety of smells and textures of the counter and the drinks. Rest assured, the kid will eat it right up. And with favorite classmates or relatives along to share the experience, it will be golden.
October 31, 2009 at 12:01 AM
Jennifer said…
No answers except that you all of your feelings are certainly normal...and I agree: Throw a crispy creme pajama party. We'll come!
November 1, 2009 at 5:57 PM
Miz Kizzle said…
That must have been hard for you to see those little girls at the party and wonder if your girl will ever experience a sleepover with friends.
I think you're on to something when you wrote that you might want those experiences for yourself. Your daughter may never care about sleepovers but she might love riding ponies or ballet. The important thing is to find out what gives her joy and try to make it happen for her.
My three kids don't have any physical, mental or emotional handicaps so I don't really understand what you're going through but I've noticed over the years that sometimes things that seem important, like sports, for example, don't matter at all to some kids. My husband couldn't wait to play catch with our two boys but neither of them cared about playing ball. It seemed like every kid in our neighborhood was in Little League but neither of our sons wanted to join. I think it bothered my husband more than it did the boys. He felt like they missed out on an important rite of passage but they just weren't interested.
In the end they found hobbies and activities that they liked. I'm sure the same thing will happen for Ivey.
People don't miss what they never knew. I have no siblings and that's fine with me. However, some people think it's a tragedy to grow up without brothers and sisters. Again, my case isn't anything like Ivey's but it's remotely similar. I didn't sit around mourning the "lack" of siblings and I don't think that not being sighted will be all that important to Ivey. People make their own normal and with your love and guidance Ivey will have a good life.
November 8, 2009 at 10:48 AM
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