Are You Qualified?

Over the course of the past nine months I have heard all sorts of accounts that explain why Ivey is Ivey and why we got her. I have noticed that most Christians have an incredibly hard time accepting that difficult circumstances do arise, and an even harder time accepting that God 'let' them happen. The hardest is for Christians to comprehend that no amount of prayer or doing good deeds will change some things. Prayer does not necessarily have to end with change, maybe just acceptance.

That being said - You better believe that we pray around here. We are praying for a successful surgery this week and for her to heal quickly. Oh, we pray. We have accepted in our home that Ivey can not be 'fixed', mended in some ways, but not 'fixed'. Ivey will always be Ivey. Ivey Elizabeth Sirmans. She weighed 5 pounds 11 ounces at birth, and weighs 10 pounds 11 ounces nine months later. When I pray for Ivey, I do not pray that she will be someone other than the person she is at this very moment. I love Ivey, my Ivey, the one with the feeding tube, the trach, the conformers, the cleft lip and palate, the mental issues, the one who can not see. I do not have any regrets for who she is - none. (Before Ivey's lip surgery, I cried to my friend Martha that I did not want her face to change.) When I close my eyes, I can not envision her any other way, but the way she is. I can not image her taking a bottle or what color her eyes should be. If she were any other way, she would not be Ivey.

She does not need vision to 'see' me or Matt smile at her. She feels it with her hands. She hears Walker ask to pet her, and feels him when he lays his hands on her head like she were a puppy. She feels Knox when he holds her and wraps his little arms around her. To our family, there is nothing that really needs to be 'fixed'. When I pray to my God, I always thank him that I have my little girl-there are no specifications-except health.

I say all of this for two reasons. Ivey and I have gotten out a little more than normal in the past couple of weeks. It has been interesting to watch the faces of strangers and friends who have not ever seen Ivey or who have not seen her since she was trached. The ambush of the suction machine, the feeding pump, well, all of it can scare you out of your skin. We stay so enclosed within a small group of friends, and they are familiar with so many of Ivey's daily activities, that I forget that many things are extremely foreign for most.

Two, that same group of friends has taken the stance that they too are responsible for Ivey. At some point in this journey, they have all wanted to help, but on the same hand, admitted their fears and uncertainties. In my mind I have sat while looking at them and wondered, "Do you think I knew anything about this before now? I have been just as scared as you are, still am." But they get it. Ivey is Ivey. She is who they love. They have accepted that this is also their place in an unique circle. And when they pray, they pray with Ivey- not for who she could or should be.

None of us were called because we were qualified. We are qualified because we are called.