Submitting to Lack of Control
When Ivey was a baby, I literally had drawers and spaces in her closet labeled, everything had a space, a place. One special friend loved showing off Ivey's closet to newbies coming by for a visit. This level of organization mystified my friend. Secretly, I wanted to go back to haphazardness. Justifying why I did this is simple. At the time, I had friends helping me with my laundry, as were my mom and some night nurses. With so many people, I found it more efficient, for all of us, to label everything. No one had to search or guess where things belonged. This approach to find order has only amplified with time. I have come to accept that being Ivey's mom has brought out a controlling aspect in my personality. For the record, I have always found peace in order and organization. It could be described as controlling, maybe. Ivey ramped up my need for order. On her hard days, or in times leading up to what I know will be hard, my need fo...