Gotta Have Faith

God has been pretty patient with me lately. My conversations with Him normally turn into questioning why we have to carry this burden and shouting words of anger. And still, God has not shot down a lightening bolt and zapped me with the answer or came to me in a cloud-filled dream to explain his reasoning. He does probably get a good laugh out of some of the fits I throw at him from time-to-time. I would love to think he has a great since of humor. If you see me driving in my car - alone - and screaming irately, just chalk it up to one of my fits with God.

I have not doubted who God is, but I have found myself questioning his intention and resolution. I do not think I would be human if I did not admit that - it is all part of this roller coaster ride. Some days, I have found myself reaching out to God, almost begging for his support. On other days, my urge to flee from him is almost insuppressible. Instead of sitting idly by and waiting for the gates of Heaven to open up and wisdom pour out, I have done a little soul searching of my own - with God‘s help of course.

To try and settle this struggle within myself, I have read book upon book and I have talked to various people. I have read straight from the Bible itself all the way down the alphabet to Yancey. Some of my conversations with friends have centered on God and how he will heal this pain our family, especially Ivey, is enduring. Other conversations have been more dubious. They have revolved around insinuated ideas of God’s punishment, his reasoning, even his existence. It is easy to say what you would do in a crisis, especially when you are not the one in it. I can best relate this back to the time when I was single and childless. I knew exactly how I would handle the kid in the restaurant screaming at the top of their lungs pitching a terror of a fit, while everyone else was trying to enjoy a peaceful dinner. Now when my children are the ones screaming incessantly, well, if you have children, you get the picture. Some people would like for us to think they have an edge up on the rest of us, but they do not. From all of the books and deep conversations one thing is crystal clear; no one knows or can explain God’s intentions.
I must trust that his purpose for Ivey is to be life altering for everyone. She is one of his rays of light.

God may not be chucking down those lightening bolts, but he has been sending more subtle messages. In momentary lapses in the hustle of our new ‘normal‘, God has forced me to stop and look at the circumstance from a more enlightened perspective. It is very crucial to say, a little LESS SELFISHLY.

God may give us a lot of instruction, but never does he tell us which paths and choices we will face on our journey to him. Most importantly, God has NEVER promised life to be easy or fair. He does promise to guide us. There are stories in the Bible where God challenges his most loyal followers. Why should any of us be different? Everyone will have their own challenges, some trials will be of greater scale than others, but they will still happen. Only God will be able to explain them - in his own time. God has left us one inheritance that promises us that things will all make since in the end of our time here on Earth. - FAITH -

I read this a couple of weeks ago.

Faith is believing in advance what can only be understood in reverse.
-Anonymous-

Sometimes it is the wording that makes all the difference. Like I said, God occasionally steps in and BAM, another piece of the puzzle is added.