The World Through Ivey's Eyes........

I have been sitting and staring at the computer for about 30 minutes now. I can't quite figure out how to start this update. Today has been a day where we have gone through the motions and feel like we are temporarily substituting for the people who are really living this life. Does that make sense? Matt and I drove Ivey to Atl. again today. However, today we met with the Ocularist, he is not at Scottish Rite, but located off of Howell Mill Road. After another night of absolutely no sleep, I have decided I should probably let others in and give them/you the opportunity to walk with us through all of "this".

Ivey is now in the process of preparing the space where her eyes should be for prosthetic eyes. She is wearing enamel conformers in her eyes to help stretch the lids to allow for the synthetic eyes to fit into the socket space. Filling the space where her eyes should be will help encourage the sockets to grow and have a more normal appearance. As Matt and I were driving home, we both decided we should prepare you to see her. Ivey's conformers are clear and have a shell shape; they fit over the tissue where her eyes should be. It is startling to see the clear knobs that protrude out from between her eyelids. She will probably wear the conformers for 18 months and then be able to receive her first pair of eyes. She will wear the conformers every day all day. I would like to think this is normal, but it is not. Every week I will take them out, clean them and replace them.

On our way home today, we stopped for lunch. We have become accustomed to the fact that people will see the baby carrier, walk up and not know how to react to the baby with all of the attachments. We have been able to hold our heads high and explain the feeding tube, the mouth appliance and her eyes. The conformers have taken this to a whole new level. My heart broke as I explained to Knox what the conformers were. If a three year old can get "it", shouldn't everyone else? Thankfully, we have family and friends to help get us through this. I have been very fortunate to have great friends and my mom, who has been my backbone, to pull me through this. I used to think I was a strong person. I am not so sure anymore. How could I ever compare to this tiny baby and all she has overcome and accomplished in her short existence? I can't imagine the courage it takes for Tasha and Miranda to choose to jump into the middle of this with no fear or hesitation. I have heard a lot of talk about God lately and the choices that he made to get me and Ivey to this place. I am not so certain of the idea that God will not give me more than I can handle. Why was I chosen? How was Ivey chosen? Why were you chosen to be touched by this? Maybe I can handle this because I am surrounded by so many other strong friends and family who can "handle" this too.... If you have ever questioned God and why he does things that don't quite make since, just stop and take a close look at yourself. I had stop and look around and here is what I found.....He is there when I look at my husband and babies. He is in the smiles and tears of my family. I hear him in the voices of my friends. Ivey knows him through the compassion and love of people who have never met her. Maybe this his way of keeping us all grounded. Maybe Ivey's inability to see the world through her eyes gives her the greater ability to see the world strictly through her heart.