Skip to main content

Saturday at Target

Reminder:  Getting lost in the monotony of feeding tubes, suction machines and medications has taken a swipe at me.  Juggling education needs verses medical needs, finding a somewhat balance has zapped some energy.  Feeling pulled from every imaginable direction, just flat-out overwhelmed some days.  But, I need to do a better job of remembering.  The simplicity of happiness.  Joy in an unplanned moment.  The now.  The little things.

Saturday in Target I had a little angel remind me.  As Ivey and I were weaving through the racks looking for her a new pair of footless legging, a woman walked past us.  She stopped.  Looked at Ivey.  Took two steps.  Came back to us.  She looked down at Ivey and said hello.  Then put her hand on my arm and asked if it was okay for her to  ask 'what's wrong with my daughter.'  My trained reflex said, "There's isn't a thing wrong with her, but she does have some medical complications".  She said, "Oh I know, but I wasn't sure how to ask, but she reminds me so much of my granddaughter."  The conversation continued from there.

Her granddaughter passed away when she was 9 years old.  She would be 24 now.  That panicky nervous feeling bolted through me.  It always does when someone shares their story with me, one like this.  Learning to tame that fear has been a long journey, one I have not mastered.  It merely ebbs and flows depending on the situation and our place in time in the medical world.  She misses her granddaughter terribly.  Her granddaughter's favorite song was Itsy Bitsy Spider, and she would ask for her grandmother to sing it over and over......and over.  What a coincidence.  Ivey heard her tell me that.  Ivey laughed and signed 'Itsy Bitsy Spider".  Joy for us both.  One of Ivey's favorites.  She touched Ivey.  Ran her fingers through Ivey's curls.  She fought back tears.  Right in the middle of Target.  I could have stayed in that moment for hours.  It was God reminding me of my miracle.  It was God giving her a moment to remember.  It was a reminder that things get complicated.  In the whirlwind, that is when we should breathe.  Breathe in the little things.  Deep breaths.  Just breathe.  Especially on a Saturday in Target, there are miracles abound.  







Comments

Popular posts from this blog

BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES........

Submitting to Lack of Control

When Ivey was a baby, I literally had drawers and spaces in her closet labeled, everything had a space, a place.  One special friend loved showing off Ivey's closet to newbies coming by for a visit. This level of organization mystified my friend. Secretly, I wanted to go back to haphazardness.  Justifying why I did this is simple.  At the time, I had friends helping me with my laundry, as were my mom and some night nurses.  With so many people, I found it more efficient, for all of us, to label everything.  No one had to search or guess where things belonged.   This approach to find order has only amplified with time. I have come to accept that being Ivey's mom has brought out a controlling aspect in my personality. For the record, I have always found peace in order and organization.  It could be described as controlling, maybe.  Ivey ramped up my need for order. On her hard days, or in times leading up to what I know will be hard, my need for order raises it’s merciless head. 

Ivey Elizabeth Sirmans

Ivey Elizabeth Sirmans was born Tuesday April, 25th at 5:26 a.m. She weighed 5 lbs 11 oz and is 17 inches long. She has beautiful long fingers and toes like Gwen, and her hair is dark like Matt's. She loves to be touched and is happiest when she is being held. Ivey is a strong little one who is breathing on her own. Her strength is a blessing as she will face some challenges in the future. The initial genetic testing showed Ivey has a partial deletion of chromosome 21. There are many tests pending, and as we find out more, we will let everyone know those results. She has a double cleft palate and a cleft lip which will require surgery at some point in the future. She is blind. She has had one hearing test which will be repeated due to the noisy NICU. The aortic valve in her heart has 2 leaflets instead of 3, but despite this, her heart is working wonderfully. Currently, she has a feeding tube in her nose, and she is learning how to nurse from a bottle. Once her feeding is successfu