Reminder: Getting lost in the monotony of feeding tubes, suction machines and medications has taken a swipe at me. Juggling education needs verses medical needs, finding a somewhat balance has zapped some energy. Feeling pulled from every imaginable direction, just flat-out overwhelmed some days. But, I need to do a better job of remembering. The simplicity of happiness. Joy in an unplanned moment. The now. The little things.
Saturday in Target I had a little angel remind me. As Ivey and I were weaving through the racks looking for her a new pair of footless legging, a woman walked past us. She stopped. Looked at Ivey. Took two steps. Came back to us. She looked down at Ivey and said hello. Then put her hand on my arm and asked if it was okay for her to ask 'what's wrong with my daughter.' My trained reflex said, "There's isn't a thing wrong with her, but she does have some medical complications". She said, "Oh I know, but I wasn't sure how to ask, but she reminds me so much of my granddaughter." The conversation continued from there.
Her granddaughter passed away when she was 9 years old. She would be 24 now. That panicky nervous feeling bolted through me. It always does when someone shares their story with me, one like this. Learning to tame that fear has been a long journey, one I have not mastered. It merely ebbs and flows depending on the situation and our place in time in the medical world. She misses her granddaughter terribly. Her granddaughter's favorite song was Itsy Bitsy Spider, and she would ask for her grandmother to sing it over and over......and over. What a coincidence. Ivey heard her tell me that. Ivey laughed and signed 'Itsy Bitsy Spider". Joy for us both. One of Ivey's favorites. She touched Ivey. Ran her fingers through Ivey's curls. She fought back tears. Right in the middle of Target. I could have stayed in that moment for hours. It was God reminding me of my miracle. It was God giving her a moment to remember. It was a reminder that things get complicated. In the whirlwind, that is when we should breathe. Breathe in the little things. Deep breaths. Just breathe. Especially on a Saturday in Target, there are miracles abound.