S Smarties

Once upon a time I wondered how in the world Ivey would ever merge herself into this world and how we would survive in the normal world. You know the normal conversation world. Now I realize that she is doing just fine, the boys are just fine, it's me who can't get a grip some days.  Some days it is hard for me to converse in both worlds.

The end of this school year is wrapping up. Bittersweet.  It ended too quick. The boys have only a few more days and it is exciting winding down. Pool parties, field days and plays. Ivey has had some of those same things, but it is different- yet no less exciting. It's just different. Always different, and never a clue as how to prepare for what might be different and how that might rattle me. I try to think up all the scenarios that might occur that will be different in Ivey's life, different from the boys, different from the things that I see my friends experience with their daughters - and I mentally gear myself to go to those places, have the conversations, see the distinct differences between Ivey and other typical four year olds.  This past week it came to my attention that I had overlooked one step.  So slam - right in to the brick wall.  Needless to say, this is about how my heart glows and smiles and aches all at the same time - it is hard to imagine that even possible.

Thursday Ivey completed her last day at the church preschool. A very sweet moment in time. It has been a magical.  The opportunity to co-exist in a real classroom with kids who know she is different yet treat her the same. Her moment of innocent equality. She was part of the normal world – the children only saw Ivey – just Ivey – she is their friend. No being friends of the 'special' child; she was just special like all people should be. Never in her life will she experience a time like that again. The innocence in their eyes - well – it is what makes the difference.

And the members of her Ivey's League – they are heroes. Always unsung heroes.  The ones that don't make the six o'clock news. Yet in my world – I can't describe them in words. They were there each day, every week – being her eyes and ears – her legs. They created an invisible bridge – that was very much real-and presented her an opportunity that most children like Ivey never have. I love them more than they will ever know.   Ivey loves them.  And as for Mrs. M. - priceless.  Mrs. Mary unbelievable. Ivey existed in a room with only love and the desire to be her friend. How I wish we could bottle 'it' up and take 'it' with us.

Today I was at a birthday party with one of my boys. Normal. And then the mama conversation momentarily turned to the next school year. Next year's pre-K class. How I wish those parents would realize that Ivey would be a member of that class under normal circumstances. Despite the differences. Despite the fact that she will be at a different school from her brothers. Under normal circumstances she would be at their school next year. - How will I ever get through this next year seeing those children at that school and Ivey not there?