Ivey's surgery punctuated the end of another sentence in our saga. Somewhere in the distance, a faint light is beginning to shimmer. The sun is beginning to peek from behind the clouds-and guess what? A silver lining does exist. We have been trudging forward afraid to glance too far to the left or right, not wanting to gaze too far into the future, yet reluctant to look back. While the entire time, waiting for more of the unknown to come crashing down around us. We have made it to the other side. Ivey's birthday is fast approaching and one year is quickly drawing to an end. For the first time since her birth there is a calendar sparse of doctors' appointments and surgeries, there is only the promising thought of Peace.
I sat down tonight to check my emails, and I took a quick peek at Ivey's blog. Here I am tapping away-the last thing I really need to be doing at this moment. However, I got the urge to type. In the past couple of weeks, I have been very reluctant to even post updates about Ivey. For a short while the wind was completely knocked out of me. I almost deleted the blog at one point, but Matt was adamant it remain. All I have wanted to do is turn the blog back over to Tasha and let her post. But here I am again.
I have never looked back over posts, so I did tonight. It is amazing to reread where we were compared to where we are today. We are still in a world of vast uncertainties; however, Ivey for the first time is truly content. She is unmistakably happy. This year has been seared with many exciting and wonderful moments, but few made it to Ivey's blog. This year has also been scorched with many heart wrenching moments. More of those moments seem to have made it here. Why? I really can not say. I do know that there have been many defining moments in the past nine months. Choices. Sink or swim, and somehow Matt and I have managed to merely tread water until we gathered enough energy to swim. Sinking has never been an option.
Right now it feels like we are swimming laps, but there have been many moments where the fear of drowning has swept through our bodies. In the beginning - Ivey's birth - I remember just wondering 'Why?' 'Why me?' I still wonder 'why' on occasion, but more often I wonder 'Why not?' I am qualified.
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9 comments:
I guess it's because the girls are nine months now? I did the same thing tonight, looking back over my blog to re-read Addie's journey.
I think I write about the hard things because they let me ponder hard, without being interrupted or told how to feel. And I guess I hope anyone who reads will understand that the good times outweigh the bad.
Your blog--Ivey's story in general--is such an encouragement to those of us who are walking paths similar to yours. I get to cheer you on and pray for her and hope with you, just through reading what you write.
Good for you for not deleting it--that would've been a sad, sad day in the Blog world :)
And since I've already written a novel here, I just want to say how tickled I am that sweet Ivey is doing so well! I can't wait for her first birthday to come; this time the day will be ALL celebration!
Gwen!!! This is why you write: You are great at it. It is a release. It is healing and a way to minister to others simultaneously...AND you get to read back over it when the fog starts to clear and see how the story has been put together, piece by piece, resulting in something beautiful. You are more than qualified. I am so happy for you all to be enetering this place of peace.
Enjoy the quiet, the calm you deserve it. What I have found in your blog is that no matter the circumstance and how heavy the burden is to us God is there sharing it with us. You have been through alot this past year and yet He has carried you through. As you said you are qualified. That is thanks to Him.
I am so happy to hear things are going so well. And thrilled that Ivey is so happy! Your entire family has fought hard this year, you have run w/ endurance the race that is has been set before you.
May the Lord cont. to bless you with endurance. May Ivey's approaching birthday be a time of rejoicing, A time of celebrating your new normal.
I am so blessed to be able to read your posts. To hear your heart and love for little Ivey.
I think we write about the problems that we have, because it helps us to sort things out. When things are rolling along very smoothly you don't have to think about things, you are just glad that things are going your way. You are an amazing woman and I know that your family will only be stronger for all that you have gone through.
I am happy to share my birthday month with Ivey. I know that I speak for others when I say that we will all be celebrating Ivey's big day!
I agree with Jenmom. You have proven yourself more than qualified. And, I love reading your blog and keeping up with your sweet Ivey. I am thankful that you didn't delete it!!
Gwen,
How grateful I am for you to be seeing a light at the end of your tunnel. I am so blessed to hear of Ivey's happiness. I am thankful that He knew just how qualified you would be when He chose you to be Ivey's mommy. There are hard days when it seems as though the fog will never end,but more importantly are those days when the light shines through and we can reflect on just how wonderful these little girls are. I am proud of you. You have done a fabulous job and I look forward to reading about the blessings that are in store for you and your sweet Ivey. Take care. Ashleys mommy(Trish)
Gwen,
I am so thankful to hear of Ivey's happiness and well being. I know there have been hard days when you couldn't see the light at the end, but you have endured and done a fabulous job. I am so proud of the strength you have shown. I am grateful that He could see just how qualified you were when He chose you to be Ivey's mommy. What a lucky little girl she is to have you as her example. Thank you for sharing pieces of your journey. You and your little one encourage me. May He bless you as you look toward the light of the future. Take Care. Trish
I love to hear your confidence in the cup the Lord has handed you. What an AMAZING blessing for Ivey to read when she gets old enough. What a weight off her shoulders to prove that she too is qualified to her calling. You've taught me so much through your blog.
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