So, I did it. At five thirty Wednesday morning, I was up leaning over a crib singing Happy Birthday to a sleeping baby who had no idea that I was there, which is as it should be. That is when it happened. God gave me one answer to one of the million questions that I have.

I found the reason for my unanswered prayer.

This past week I relived every moment of one year ago. It started with what I was doing the days before she was born, what I did the night before she was born, the start of labor, the trip to the hospital, the delivery room and her birth. Then at five thirty in the morning, it all stopped. There were no more memories to relive. At that moment all I had was right then - that moment - no past and no future - there was only pure happiness and relief. A burden instantly lifted. The hard year ended.

So my birthday princess had one great day of celebrating. The grandparents came over for lunch.

The boys gave Ivey presents that they picked out all on their own for her. And wouldn’t you know that they wanted Ivey to have a pink hat, pink lasso, pink vest and a pink horse. However, Wal-Mart may be your one stop shopping center, but not for the Sirmans’ boys. Knox settled on a red cowgirl hat and Walker picked out a pink My Little Pony. Ivey is one of the boys now.



After lunch we moved the party on over to Matt’s office for a G&G celebration. I could write a book about the wonderful things that G&G has done for our family. They have all loved our family like we were their own, and in some ways, we are. Their miracles never seem to end. So, we took the party to them on Ivey’s birthday because Ivey is always surrounded by love there. We wanted to thank them for all they have done for us over the past year(s). And once again, I left there speechless and humbled. G&G is made up of some amazing individuals!
Here is a picture of their gift to Ivey. The gift is in the picture in the picture in the right hand corner (I know, it is too small to see.)



It is a piano.
If that did not give you chills, I’ll say it again. They gave Ivey a p.i.a.n.o.


Are you speechless now?

What dreams they have for our sweet girl.

And that is the introduction into Ivey’s New Year. Where a year ago we could not envision the future, good or bad, now Ivey’s possibilities are limitless. One year ago, we were prepared to loose her before the first year ended. We did not think we would see her turn one and if she did, she was to be profoundly mentally retarded and full of medical trivia. Ivey is far from those things. Can you see the smile on her face? No one factored in what a lot of faith, love, prayer and hardheadedness will do. The combination of the four can perform no less than a miracle.

So what do I see in our upcoming year? I think we will have a blind miracle crawling around our house. Enter now the terms - baby proofing like you have never seen. I think Ivey will begin to eat some on her own. Eventually Ivey will sit and stand without assistance. This year two old dogs will begin to learn some new tricks. Matt and I will learn a little sign language and braille so that we may begin to teach Knox, Walker and Ivey. It is scary and exciting all at the same time. This year I know that our family will never do any of these things alone - we are surrounded. Oh, and it looks like Ivey will teach her momma how to play the piano.

HaPpY bIrThDaY

I V E Y

E L I Z A B E T H

On the morning she was born the Angels sang.

The sun came up on a whole new world.

God smiled.

One year later He is grinning!

Do It Right

Two weeks ago Knox asked me to tell him about when he was a baby. He continues to ask daily and I continue to tell him, each time I can remember a little more that I had somehow forgotten. He wants to know about being in my belly down and when he was born. It fascinates him. I like telling him his story-it makes us both smile.

I would be lying if I said that the past two weeks have been anything but perfect. Maybe that is why I have been so hesitant to post anything. Ivey has turned a corner with drastic changes, for crying out loud, she had a surgery on Friday the 13th and made it home by two o’ clock in the afternoon. It can not get much better than that. (Especially with our track record.) So, how in the world could I find something to worry about?

I’ll explain.

I think it all started with the realization that one year had almost come and gone while I just hovered above watching the person who was supposed to be me live my life. Is that possible? Then I remembered the real reason that I have not attempted Ivey’s baby book. And finally, I watched Eliot’s movie.

When I look back, it feels more like I have medically cared for Ivey more than I have been a mom to her. So much of my time is immersed in preparing formula, preparing a feeding pump, setting up breathing treatments, administering medications, performing some therapy, driving her to a doctor or worse sitting with her in a hospital and Lord knows the suctioning dominates my time with her. Only recently have I been able to carry her around on my hip like she was a baby. I just wonder if she understands how much I love her even though my quality of time with her is much different than with her brothers.

So, I pulled out Ivey’s scrapbook again. I had a lot of great suggestions and ideas that will make a great book for her. However, I keep ramming my head into the same brick wall. I can not remember. I try and try and try, but my mind is blank. I can remember going into labor. I can remember telling Matt, “This is IT”. I can remember going into the hospital. I can remember the delivery room. I can remember our conversations with each other, the nurses and our doctor. I can remember the delivery. It all makes me smile - even laugh.

Three ….. I can remember her birth.
Two …….I can remember my doctor kneeling next to my bed.
One ……..I remember they put her in my arms.

Nothing.

My memories with Ivey pick up about 4 days later. What will I tell Ivey when she asks me to tell her about her birth? How will I ever tell her that out of the miracle of her birth, during those moments, was only devistation? How will I ever tell her that I was uncertain if we would ever celebrate her first birthday? So as for the scrapbook, it will come together, in its own time and way. As for the future, I will someday tell her a great tale of a little girl who triumphed in the face of adversity and tragedy. I am so proud of her.

One of the initial thoughts about Ivey was that she might have Trisomy 18. This is a very grim genetic disorder that results in death soon after birth. We did not know if we would ever bring Ivey home. After genetic screens, it was concluded that her abnormality occurred on her 21st chromosome. Once home, I was introduced to Eliot’s blog. Eliot had Trisomy 18. I felt drawn to Eliot and to his parents. We all knew Eliot’s fate. Eliot lived for 99 days - a miracle. His death ripped me to my soul yet it seemed as if somehow Ivey got a second chance. God gave her more time; he gave us more time.

So this year on April 25th, I get a second chance to do it right. I will be in her room at five thirty in the morning - Laughing, singing, smiling and remembering.

If you would like to see Eliot’s movie click on 99 balloons.

Chosen Brave Souls

It has been 359 days.

In less than one week, Ivey will turn one. Wow. You all know her story.

It has been 11 months, 3 weeks and 4 days. During that time, a world of people have emerged. People who have courage and guts that most of us could never fathom. These extraordinary people come in the forms of infants and children. These sweet little ones are also surrounded by insurmountable towers of bravery…their parents.

One such parent, via the internet, took Ivey in to her heart also. Her own daughter has withstood heart surgeries and more. The mom’s name is Heather. And during some of the hardest times, Heather left encouraging words to help push Ivey and our family through. When you look at this blog, you see her work. She sweetly created the look of this page and all of its colors especially for Ivey, because she wanted to, nothing in return.

I know Heather's story because of our daughters' miracles. In the past couple of weeks, I have come to know her new personal story through the life of my friend Haley whom we lost this year. Heather now has cancer. I can not imagine the surge of emotions that are planking her family right this moment. With a daughter with needs and now her own health in the balance, her family must be reeling in unimaginable ways. Her husband must be panicking. She needs your prayers. I am leaving you a link to her page. HEATHER.

I am also going to leave links to the pages of my heart's special children - Addison - Blair - Eliot - Jack - Ashley - Ezzy and Jake all will grab your heart.

I am also going to leave you with the latest word that I have heard from Pablito Soria. They are kindred spirits right down to their genes. As to date, he is the only other individual that I have been able to locate with Ivey's genetic diagnosis. Thanks to Amy for translating the note from Spanish to English. The letter was sent to Father Peter; he forwarded it to me. If you have not noticed, IT IS A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL.

Good Day Father:
We are from Argentina. I am the father of PAblito Soria, the boy that has the
same genetic disorder as Ivey Sirmans. Pablito is much better every day. He
laughs a lot and connects with us. However, he is unable to sit up by himself
much less pull up on his feet even though he just turned 1 year old. Anyway, we
continue to carry out studies. OUr family is Catholic. When I was 8 years old,
I belonged to the Legion of Maria until age 11.

We live in the northern region of our country, where there is a lot of poverty.
However, this does not present an obstacle for us to have a tranquil life. Like
Ivey's mother, the arrival of Pablito has changed our lives, bringing many hard
times but also many happy times. Now, we don't think much about material things but more the spiritual.

I'm going to try to kkep up communications with you. It is marvellous to be
able to communicate with people so far away, but whose thoughts are so similar
to ours. I read your message from November 8th but then I closed my Hotmail
account, I don't know if I had other messages from you or Mrs. Sirmans. I don't
have internet connection at my house, so I have to go to "Cyber Cafes" when I
have time. I've been able to update Pablito's blog page.

When my sone was in the ICU, we had the opportunity to make friends with other
parents whose children were also there - Lisandro, Angel Gabriel, Octavio.

Of those we were especially close with Lisandro's mother who is much younger
that us and gave us a lot of strength during the hard times. However, after
much fighting Lisandro died at 8 months old.

The same happened with Angel Gabriel. He was a little more than 1 1/2 years
old. He died in December 2006. We still talk to thier parents.

Now ther is Octavio and PAblito. They are very well. I'm going to make time to post
photos on Pablito's blog (first I have to learn how).

We pray for PAblito, for Octavio, for Lisandro, for Angel Gabriel. We also pray
for brave Ivey and for all those brave little souls who have been chosen to come
and suffer so that they may open hearts and awaken kindness in people.

Until the next time Father.
Gabriel Antonio Soria

She smiled

as the anesthesia began to wear off. I think that says it all. Her surgeon did a great job. Ivey is always in good hands with him. Ivey also had a MRI, but it will take some time before we know the results. She is home!!


Here she is before, after and today. Ivey looks great today and she is in a fantastic mood. All she needs now is Tylenol an antibiotic and don't forget the welcome sleeves. She will wear the sleeves for a week or two (probably two) to keep her hands from her eye. The lid and lashes are out.

Thank you everyone for all of the thoughts and prayers. We could not do this without them. They make her stronger. Oh, and a special thank you to G&G, dinner was delicious.

Before surgery









The drive home from Scottish Rite










Saturday morning nap

Ivey's Little Piggies

Ivey is still in surgery. We are anxiously waiting.
Stacy took these sweet pictures yesterday during pre-op.

Needless to say, this surgery should be no big deal. That is what I keep telling myself. However, it is 11:58 PM, I am still awake and our night nurse has been here for two hours. Tomorrow Stacy and I will travel with Ivey to Scottish Rite for preop with the plastic surgeon and anesthesiologist. Is that normal? It seems like it should be; however, my gut just won't let it be normal. To be honest, I am in a panic. Just ask Tasha or Lowery...they both got an ear full whether they asked for it or not...thank God for FRIENDS. For the first time I have not over planned. No plans. They said it would be outpatient and that is exactly what I am counting on.... I kept looking at Knox tonight. He has beautiful big blue eyes. If you told me I had to hack on his eye in 24 hours I would put up one heck of a fight. However, it seems okay with Ivey. So why am I not putting up the big fight?

So, Stacy and I will take Ivey tomorrow for the once-over and to make sure that she receives the proper amount of anesthesia. It makes me nervous. We will do things differently than before...which is contrary to my mechanics. (This is where Knox gets his persistentness)Tomorrow Ivey's first appointment is at eleven am., then over to day surgery. After that, Knox's first ever T-ball game. So my job, travel to Atlanta and back to enjoy T-ball without distraction, then back to Atlanta for the night. Ivey's job is to tag along. My heart will not let me miss Knox's first ever ball-game...what would you do? Should I put Ivey through so much traveling the day before her surgery?

Ivey is to report for surgery at 6:00 am. Normal. She always reports at that time. That means that we should begin preparing for the day around 4:30 am. I would say that we would get up, but that is not so. Matt and I will take shifts...someone will already be up and going. We will drive to Scottish Rite then 7:30 am is her scheduled surgery time. My question, why does this have to be normal for her? There are some things that I just don't understand. Nevertheless, this should be her last procedure for a long while. Just last week her orthopedic surgeon gave her a great report.

She is a miracle baby. Do you understand how truly blessed you are to be a part of this?

Eight months ago her orthopedic surgeon saw issues on an X-Ray. Hips have a ball-and-socket joint. The ball was missing in her X-ray. Last week it was there, we already knew this because she can stand on her feet-with our assistance. Common since says parts are there. So I pushed it from my mind. When Ivey was born, they thought she was missing her sacrum. Can you believe that? Sitting would be close to impossible without it, let alone anything else. It is there. She is ever trying to sit. I wish you could watch her. The appreciations you would have for simple postures and movements. Her sacrum does have some oddities, but the nerves are developed. The nerves in her legs function.. Maybe she just has slow ossification. (Cartilage turning into bone.) Time will tell. Miracles, it is all about miracles.

So yes, I am once again a little on edge, but wouldn't you be? Over reacting - maybe - but nothing is given. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry. The thought of spending another month away from my boys while my daughter lies miles away from them in a bed is excruciating. I know it will not happen. Nevertheless, there is always the possibility. I just ask that you all say a short prayer tomorrow and Friday. Pray that our family stays intact this go around. It is funny, when I have spoken on the phone with both family and friends, they have both said the same things. How long will you be there? Really? It is outpatient? Let us know if things change? We are here if you need us. Maybe it is not just me. So, you are all on call over the weekend. Don't make too many plans and answer your phones.

Just kidding.

Officially, I want to thank Stacy and Christa. Stacy is amazing. Christa is, well, Christa. If I had known that Christa would be such a vital part of our lives five years ago when she was sitting in my classroom, I would not have believed you. Today, she is family, no blood necessary.

So, if Matt happens to read this - yes, I am over reacting. You knew I over reacted when you married me. I hold it together when it really counts. I would not trade this crazy life. In 50 years, we will look back and say "Wow, what a great life..."

For the rest of you...thanks for joining us along the way.

A Boring Week?

I was ready to send out a great update, but it seemed like things were a little too boring this past week. Here are some random things that have taken place over here......

It is sometimes hard to imagine that our three children came from the same two parents. You would think they would have more similarities, not so much. Knox is our typical first born. Matt swears that his idiosyncrasies come from me, I beg to differ. If he looks like Matt bore him into this world (with the exception of blonde hair) surely he must act like him too. Ivey is her own little bundle of sweetness and apparently she got a double dose of hard-headedness and determination from both Matt and I. Just yesterday she jumped a few more hurdles. During her PT session she managed to cross mid line (reaching her hand to opposite foot), a goal that eleven months ago would have not been considered a possibility for her. So there worst case scenarios - she is out to prove everyone wrong! Maybe her new theme song should be 'Against All Odds'. Now, onto Walker. Let's give him his own paragraph.

Walker is undoubtedly our wild card. Keep in mind he walked around for months introducing himself as "Wildman". And, he came up with that one all on his own. Just a couple of weeks ago he fell face first in his own poop. Another moment that only Walker could manage. Matt and I know that our future with Walker is going to incredibly interesting. Only a couple of months ago, Walker came into our room at 5:30 AM to stand in front of my face to tell me that he loves God. Where did that come from? So, Sunday when we walked into church Walker was full of interesting questions. Here is a sample. "Daddy, where is God?". Matt, "He is all around and in your heart". "Daddy, is God my Godfather"? Matt, "No, your Godfather is sitting near the front, do you see him"? We were sitting in the very last pew, so that we can manipulate Ivey without as much distraction. For some reason there was a ladder lying behind the pew. Then... "Daddy, does God climb ladders"?

So, this week has been fun with therapies, T-ball, preschool, planning our last first birthday, playdates and lots of other things. But, maybe it is fun only to us...

St. Piux

There were a few posts over the past couple weeks that might have been a little more than what you asked for. Let me explain. Two weekends ago, Father Peter asked that I give testimony at an event walking through the Stations of the Cross in preparation for the events of Easter. Some of you may remember Father Peter, if not go HERE to recall his role in Ivey’s life. This brief introduction in a restaurant has proven for some very pivotal moments in the past eleven months. No need to explain the subject or content of the testimony. It is all here, for the most part.

The Via Cruscis was a very powerful day. I had the honor of meeting several people with their own personal challenges that represent the cross that they carry-every moment of every day. Everyone had their own unique path of suffering----suffering meaning trials or hardships.

I fear public speaking as much as the next person, but it was somewhat liberating to speak aloud the events of the past year and the hardships that we will face in the future. I had planned on telling more about the day; however, I do not know where to begin.

Ivey will have surgery on her eye this Friday. Friday the 13th!! The surgery should be out-patient. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

Movin on to our place in the sun

If March marches in like a lion….aggressive…..so did Ivey during March. For now it is official, a page has turned, a chapter ended and book snapped closed. Whoooo-Hooooo. Bring on April.

With that, I am borrowing a song from one of my favorite people - Bev at Blessed Beyond Measure. I figure a little bit of Stevie or Ray Charles is good for Ivey's soul. Honestly, it is a song that I have on my Ipod. Ivey and I listen to it…OFTEN. Ivey has a great play list.

Back to March, our sweet baby girl leaped and bounded through the month. She packed on one whole pound. After five long months of nothing - no gain - she just up and did it. Something clicked in that little body of hers. She started rolling from her stomach to her back. And, she is persistently trying to roll from her back to her stomach; however, a trach and G-tube seem to just get in her way. Ivey is handing out smiles without coaxing. She recognizes and knows her name when she hears it. She is spring feverishly gitty. She is desperately trying to sit-up. Ivey found her own tiny little toes and loves them. (The catch to her toes: Her muscle tone is high. Nonetheless, we are working her little body. Not until this month could her body bend so that she could touch her hands to her feet. As you all know, most babies just do this, they are like rubber bands. Not Ivey, she started out in this life like a tree trunk. It took Ivey A LOT of hard work.) All around - she is mentally and physically stronger.

Ivey is learning to play. She is recognizing more people. It is amazing to witness. Ivey’s little hands feel their way around your face and eventually she figures out what makes us all different from one another. When she touches my face, she feels my nose and mouth then goes for my hair. She loves when Matt does not shave. Ivey goes for my mom's glasses. She loves my dad’s mustache. The boys do not stay still for me to figure what she likes most about how they feel. This past weekend Ivey found Mandy’s hoop earrings….almost yanked them from her ears. She is persistent. Ivey has a blue elephant that is her favorite toy. She will manipulate the elephant until she finds the trunk, then she chews on the trunk. I wish you all could be here to watch her progress. It is amazing.

Next time I want to tell you about my past weekend. It was truly a mile marker in my own life. In the meantime, I hope you all thank God for any hardships you have in your lives. It is our scars that make our journeys liveable. BATTLE WOUNDS. Seriously, how great was learning to ride a bike, despite the scraped knee? Tomorrow is Maudy Thursday. God Bless. If you are looking for something good to read…go HERE

A thinking award

Who would have thunk it?

Katherine at Raising Five has passed this along to me (A THINKING BLOGGER AWARD). Sweet Ivey got her thinking today. I always love reading her posts. To start with, Katherine has five children, not so much aspiring for THAT goal at the present time; however, I admire her for her family values and limitless abundance of patience. It is a hoot to keep up with her. She has one great adventure after another each and every day. She keeps things short, sweet and to the point. She is a genuine and real person.

Katherine has explained that the idea is to Pay it Forward to 5 people who have made you THINK through their blogging.This award has some rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme
3. Optional: Proudly display the Thinking Blogger Award with a link to the post you wrote.

There are several blogs that I love to read. Some I read for fun, others because they seem like family, but here are five that always make me think……

SuperDuperJack
Somehow I met LeslieAnn through this blog world. She has a great blog devoted to her son Jack. She is one of my ‘so this is normal’ friends that I have never met. LeslieAnn gets it. Her son is one amazing little guy with a great story of his own to tell. There is always something going on in their home that will just make you smile.

In The Midst of It
If you know me and I mention the name Sarah, well then you know just who I am talking about. Our daughters started their lives out within weeks of one another. We have helped one another through some rocky times. I love it that there is someone else out there with two wild boys and one sweet princess to remind me just how great my life really is - everyday!

Little Red Heart From God
Connie keeps life in focus. She loves Christ and devotes her time to loving other people. She speaks words of encouragement everyday.

Embracing My Cup
I first read Erin’s blog because I loved the name so much. I love the idea of embracing my cup and my portion. Erin always focuses on the positive in her life. Often when I read her posts I leave thinking ‘I should really be thankful today’. She always reminds me of the important things.

Lighthouse Parents
I like to read this blog to keep my feet on solid ground. She is a reinforcement to live in the present and truly enjoy where I am right this moment. This blog helps to find our direction in this unchartered territory with Ivey. This is one of the more grounding blogs that I read about parents and their special needs children.