For the Love of Ivey

Siblings of kiddos with disabilities are amazing humans walking amongst us. They live a life, most often, in the shadows of their sibling who simply needs "more". More time. More direct attention. More of more. We have now come to a fork in our road. Our boys are young men, and, our daughter is a young lady. I'll be honest, I was uncertain what life would look like once the boys left this home, once they had their own time, in their own personal sunshine. We found out quickly once Knox left for college his freshman year what that would look like. And then, when Walker left, we knew what life would feel like in their absence. There was too much space. Ivey felt it. We get many compliments about the relationship the boys and Ivey have with one another. Hints here and there that, maybe, Matt and I had some secret recipe to parenting a household with a child that is very medically complex and a very complex communicator. This is what I can tell you - there is no re...

22 and 3/4th years. Every word, and more. We were told in the first 2 weeks after Ivey was born, in the midst of the chaos of her and having two toddler boys at home - that our marriage would likely end in divorce. Most special needs marriages do. Special needs marriages are a section of divorce happening at a higher rate than most- yet, overlooked by most. Still, someone felt compelled that we know that information during such a life altering time. It was an added layer we struggled to process, along with many other devastating blows. It scared us beyond belief. We were clinging to one another. Over the years, we have pushed the limits, the barriers. We have slept in the same bed, for weeks separated by miles and hospital walls, with nurses in the next room in the sacred walls of our home, and now, with our daughter tucked away in her own bed in our room. We have hung onto thin air at times. And, we have held on to each other. We were told in counseling, in our darkest days,...

When Ivey was a baby, I literally had drawers and spaces in her closet labeled, everything had a space, a place.  One special friend loved showing off Ivey's closet to newbies coming by for a visit. This level of organization mystified my friend. Secretly, I wanted to go back to haphazardness.  Justifying why I did this is simple.  At the time, I had friends helping me with my laundry, as were my mom and some night nurses.  With so many people, I found it more efficient, for all of us, to label everything.  No one had to search or guess where things belonged.   This approach to find order has only amplified with time. I have come to accept that being Ivey's mom has brought out a controlling aspect in my personality. For the record, I have always found peace in order and organization.  It could be described as controlling, maybe.  Ivey ramped up my need for order. On her hard days, or in times leading up to what I know will be hard, my need fo...

I used to say, "Life with Ivey is a rollercoaster ride."  Scratch that.  It's nosediving in an airplane where she pulls up on the controls in the last second just before crashing.   We have updated information on Ivey's hearing.  I have been in a state of joy and confusion.  Results from the November MRI and ABR are in.   To recap, the MRI was looking for any structural quirks to the temporal regions in the skull/brain directed to hearing and the ABR was to see if there was any further changes to Ivey's hearing.  The MRI showed no new changes to the regions of the skull/brain, all is as it has been.  Still microcephalic, agenesis to the corpus callosum, and structural deformities to small bones that help conduct hearing.  And, everything still looks good from the cranial vault many years ago.   As for the ABR, there is good news.  It seems that the November ABR was consistent with past ABR's, with the exception of the...

Today Ivey and I will head to Emory.  Specifically, we are heading to Emory's Department of Human Genetics.  We are going back to hopefully find answers to a question that has materialized in the past few months.   Ivey's inner circle is aware of changes that have occurred and the steps we have in front of us in a search for an answer, if there is an answer.   In Ivey's last sedated procedure(s), an ABR was conducted.  An ABR (Auditory Brainstem Response) tells us if her inner ear (cochlea) and the neural pathways for hearing are working.  Over Ivey's lifetime she has had several ABRs.  An ABR is the only accurate way we can test Ivey's hearing because of her limitations in communicating what she hears.  Where Ivey has consistently maintained a mild/moderate hearing loss, that has now shifted.  The latest ABR indicated that Ivey's hearing is now a moderate/severe hearing loss.  Her right ear having a moderate loss; her left ear...