For the Love of Ivey

I remember the first time it was suggested that maybe, just perhaps, Ivey's brokenness (from a certain vantage point), was possibly, just maybe, due to some sin that existed, maybe because of me, maybe Matt  - and unimaginably - Ivey was bearing that cross, wearing that sin for all the world to see. The first time - that suggestion caught me off guard.  I used to know the scripture that might even suggest it.  I have forced myself to forget it. But every now and then, the shadows creep in, and I wonder. A few weeks ago I sat in the pew during church and again was caught off guard when our rector mentioned a similar scenario that he had witnessed many years before, at another church - where someone asked "What did these children do to deserve this?" and the person that was being asked the question responded back "And what did you do to not?" -- Amen sister!!  I find it hard to believe that there is a scoreboard in heaven.  At least not one of that kind. A...

Update:  (Make sure to click on the link and read  "The Brave Little Soul" .) Sometimes I really have to stop and wonder about Ivey's purpose in this world.  Literally stop and wonder, revel in the wonder.  Her little life marked such a drastic change in every single thing I thought  I knew in the years accumulated in this world before her birth.  All of which adds up to be basically - nothing. I stop sometimes and look at myself in the mirror, literally.  I see changes, most of which I see I feel she changed, maybe a little from time and age, but more so my physical changes came from Ivey.  I see tired eyes and extra weight.  I'm learning to embrace both.  I don't like them but time restraints, sleepless nights and stress, well, they physically alter a person.  I'm learning to accept the external changes.  Why?  Well, what I see growing on the inside makes for a much prettier person.  And many might see that as t...

Yesterday morning Ivey had a standard teeth cleaning in the Scottish Rite dentist chair per her usual cleaning routine. To date she is past the cleft lip/palate surgeries that are required for the initial repair of the cleft and is in the in-between stages that take place over a few years until the next big procedures to work on the clefts. That means she only sees the dentist, he keep a check on her progress and when it's time she will go back to the oral surgeon and cranial facial surgeon for more surgeries. So back to yesterday. Ivey has been having uncontrolled seizures over the past couple of months. We have run the gamut on the causes. She hasn't been her usual happy self and there has been something nagging we just couldn't put our finger on. As she completed the cleaning yesterday I described Ivey's past few months. And knowing that her 6 year molars are coming gave the staff an update on her seizure activity and that it has to be linked to her teeth ,...

The stages of acceptance into this world that Ivey brought us into has come in many forms.  Sometimes it has been an easy journey to accept this life.  Other times it has been excruciating, on many levels that I guess it would be best to equate to the various levels purgatory.  And still there are parts to this life yet to be accepted.  Of course a lot of time is spent in denial.  And another part of the time is spent in this place with no name. The years pass.  There are some things that become easier.  There are some things that everyone else thinks should become easier.   And then there is reality. You find your stride.  You pick your battles.  You make your amends.  You watch others in wonder and in wanting.  Somethings never get easier no matter how much time passes.  Somethings you accept will always find their way to break your heart no matter how much you rejoice in your now. Then comes the things that you do...

She may not....... Those were the original words, from so long ago for so many things, more things than comprehendable, in such a short amount of time. So many parents, maybe too many parents, hear those words when facing a future with a "special" child. In the literal seconds, minutes, and hours after Ivey was born we were preparing for an end. "Be prepared, she may not make it." The blatant facts of her existence suggested her survival was minimal. Then somehow, and some might say magically, her days and weeks turned into months and years. In those months and years following her arrival it was suggested that we "be prepared" that other life "givens" may surpass Ivey.  In many brutally wonderful ways, they did. Certain experiences have by-passed Ivey. At one phase of time in the beginning, time was spent trying to figure out if Ivey had a sacrum bone. I think that is another Ivey trivia you may not know or remember. Because of that we ...